


Identity

by SpaceMalarkey



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Depression, Gen, Headcanon, Hopeful Ending, Identity Issues, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Recovered Memories, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 11:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceMalarkey/pseuds/SpaceMalarkey
Summary: Wild's journal, where he has written down his scattered thoughts ever since he decided to go on a personal journey to find himself. Stumbling upon 8 past versions of himself might not have been what his mental health needed.Or maybe it was a blessing in disguise.





	Identity

**Entry 1**

That’s how Zelda always opens up her research notes, so I guess I’m going to do it here too. This feels strange. I’m not sure how it will help, but Impa is in charge of my therapy so I really have no choice. For an ancient lady, she sure pinches hard. And somehow reaches my ears even if she is a tiny tiny shrimp.

So Im supposed to write down my feelings here, or little details that catch my eye. Anything you feel is important, Impa said. I’m not even sure I know what important means anymore.

I have no memories. All of the memories from before are related to Zelda and my duty. I feel like I’m watching them from another perspective and not my own. They make me feel like I don’t own the body I am in. Coming back from a flashback like those makes it feel like I was underwater for a long time and barely reached the surface in time to breathe.

Zelda is supportive, Sidon is too. Yes I told Sidon, of course I did. I still cant use my voice properly. Something gets stuck in my throat and I end up using sign language. I don’t know why. Why do I feel so uncomfortable whenever someone says anything nice to me? Maybe I should use this journal to try and piece together my old life. Before the sword and everything. Mipha's journal said I was using swords when I was 4 years old. I don’t know if she was exaggerating or not, I’m pretty sure no 4 year old can beat a fully trained adult no matter what. Mipha probably had no idea how Hylians work, she seemed so clueless.

Ugh, now I keep thinking about Mipha. Im gonna end it here, I don’t like thinking about Mipha.

  
  


**Entry 2**

I didn’t know Impa would read these. She didn’t like what I said about her so she pinched me again. Somehow. Gonna stop writing about her in general because she will get mad.

Today we talked about feelings. Again. It’s not that I dislike talking about my feelings. They have saved me more than once, honestly. It felt good getting them out in the open but it feels harder talking about them than before. Talking in general feels wrong. I’m starting to lose it, my voice. I don’t understand why. I didn’t have problems using it after waking up. Why is it so hard now?

  
  


**Entry 3**

I think Impa knew what she was doing when she gave me this book. It’s been a week since I last spoke with her. Or anyone. I haven’t left my house since I came here. I’m starting to feel weird. People make me feel weird. Maybe I should just leave? Travel again? So much time since we finally destroyed the calamity has been spent with other people, and I really feel uncomfortable near anyone now. 

It could be because I’m far too used to be on the move constantly. Being in a crowd makes me feel contained and restrained. Like someone will try to come at me at any moment.

Uh, so Zelda stormed my house. She had been looking for me for days, she said. I tried telling her why I ran away but I couldn’t get any words out. I just stood there like a moron trying to say words. She started crying and I had to use sign to tell her how I feel.

She says I have PTSD. That’s why I can’t be in places where there are people. That I still think everyone is out to get me. She says it comes from the other me. The one from before. The one who trained himself to obsession and lost his true self. All because of that stupid sword and that death cloud pig thing. I wish I could remember why I think every person who looks at me for more than 3 seconds is going to stab me, or why I flinch away every time someone raises their hand in the air near me.

I’m not sure what all of it means, or if I want to know. I just feel like my heart is trying to escape my chest.

I miss being out there, alone. Just me and nature. Somehow that feels more at home to me than any other place. It feels strange to admit to anyone, but I think I have to be brave. So I’m going to tell Zelda. I know she wants me to feel comfortable and be happy. I trust her.

  
  


**Entry 4**

This entry will be brief.

I told Zelda. I managed to use my voice. It felt weird, and it was hard, but I did it! I’m not sure she felt as happy as I did about that though. She looked really worried. I don’t like making her worried, I really don’t. But she needs to know. Zelda is the only one still here aside from the Sheikah. The only one other than me from before.

She told me to be careful and told me where she would be for the next few months, since she is going scouting for ruins and such. I wonder if I will be well enough to join her later. I hope I am.

I’m leaving for... I don’t know how long. I need to be alone, figure out myself. I hope this works. I really need some time alone.

  
  


**Entry 5**

I have been at this for a few weeks and I think it’s time to write down some of this stuff so I don’t forget. Again.

I have travelled around Hyrule in search for who I am. I have seen ruins and places that seem so familiar. Every time I see these places I get such a great feeling of... something. But then it goes away. I can’t remember any of it and it feels like I should. It’s frustrating.

No, it’s more than frustrating, its antagonising. It makes me want to burn everything down in a fit of rage. I’m having serious problems and I no longer know if Im safe to be around. But I need people. I need to be around someone who can talk to me and make me feel like a person. I feel like I’m a stranger in someone else’s body. I feel like a fraud, or a fake.

I’m scared. I’m so scared. I have already woken up from restless sleep trying to cut myself out of my skin. Another time I woke up in a different place and all my things were left behind. I had no idea where I was or when I was. I walked around in confusion before I figured out where I was. I want to be near people, but I can’t. I cant stay near people, I could seriously hurt them.

I miss the wolf that sometimes trailed along. He could defend himself and he would listen to what I had to say. It was easy to talk to him.

  
  


**Entry 6**

I keep forgetting things. Where I left my knife, where I put the spices.

I can’t remember the sound of Zelda's voice, or Sidon's, or Impa's. I can’t remember what Zelda's eye color was, or how her clothes look. I can’t remember the way she talks or what kind of high intelligence wording she chooses. I think I remember Sidon smiling at me but I can’t remember the rest of his face.

I can’t remember the sound of my own voice

  
  


**Entry 7**

I can’t really remember why I started writing this. I can remember it was for a good purpose but I wonder if I'll ever get home now. Or where home is. I’m not sure how much good writing in this journal is anymore.

For the first time since I woke up, I don’t know where I am. There was always a feeling that I was in the right place. Always knew that I was in the right lands.

This isn’t it. Something is seriously wrong.

For one, there is barely any land. There is water everywhere. Well, sea everywhere. I don’t think I sleepwalked or flashbacked across the country. Besides, the air feels different. Something is very different. This isn’t Hyrule.

  
  


**Entry 8**

So I’m definitely not in Hyrule anymore. Not sure how I ended up here, but this is nice. No one here knows me, I get to sit in the shade and relax for once. It’s a sweet island, and there is a very nice old lady who said I reminded her of her son. Her granddaughter is really cute and nice too, and she showed me this thing called a telescope? I didn’t have the heart to tell her that my slate does the same thing, she looked so excited.And also the telescope was pretty damn cool, I must admit.

The strange part was that I didn’t feel uneasy around those people at all. They also understood my sign, so I can’t have gotten too far from Hyrule. I might... use this to practice. I want to talk again. I miss using my voice. I want to hear how I sound.

I told Aryll. She said she wanted to help. She reminds me of someone... Every time I look at her it’s like there is something familiar at the edge of my memories. Maybe I had a friend like her when I was a child. I hope I did. Aryll seems like a good friend.

  
  


**Entry 9**

Aryll's grandma has been letting me stay at her house until I could finish mending my tent. It got torn somehow, so Im having to get it patched up. I don’t want to trouble anyone and I don’t have any rupees left. I’ve been doing small odd jobs for the people here in exchange for materials for my tent. They are very nice people and they dont mind me not speaking much. Aryll's grandma makes the best tasting soup I have ever tasted. I hope she will agree to teach me how to make it

I got the tent in order. I found a nice spot on top of the entire island! I can see so far from here. It’s really nice to wake up to in the morning and watch the sun climb up from the sea itself. I feel really calm here, and my nightmares are gone. Aryll has been coming up here to help me speak again. She has been very patient with me and I have been playing with her and letting her ride my shoulders as thank you. I help out her grandma as well. She is really old and shouldn't be tending to that garden on her own.

Aryll told me that her brother is out on an adventure and that he is sending her letters. She showed me one but I couldn’t read it at all! The letters are very different from mine, and while I can tell they are similar, it’s impossible for me to understand them. I understand her speech perfectly, which is strange, but lettering is harder. Aryll is teaching me how to read and write the letters. She says it’s great practice. Im teaching her how to read mine too, so now we kinda have our secret language.

She said her brother will be home in a week. I hope I get to meet him. He seems really cool.

  
  


**Entry 10**

So I have been making progress! I can remember a few things now! I remember that the past me liked swimming in the sea, and that he didn’t get to do it much after drawing the sword, so he would usually just give it a few longing glances before he had to continue training. Its... kinda sad actually. I know that the past me had a lot of problems, but I only heard about it from other people. I never remembered it myself.

In a way, I feel like he and I are two different people. I feel like he is Link, the hero who tried so hard despite the entire world laying everything on his and Zelda's shoulders. I’m not sure what to call myself yet, but I feel like Im a remnant of what was left of him after waking up in the shrine. We feel like different people. From what little I can remember, he is more structured and wants to please our father more than anything in the world.

I don’t.... remember our father. I know he was a knight, but only because I remember Zelda talking about it once. I wonder what he was like. I wonder if he was strict.

I wonder if the knight thing was his idea or Link's? I don’t know. I feel like I wouldn’t want to be a knight. Its too... formal. Too restrained and restricted. I like being free and doing my own thing, but I guess I also like being able to fight with any weapon I hold, so guess Link had the right idea after all. There should be some sort of mix between these two, honestly.

I'll figure out all that later, I’m rambling.

I can even say a few sentences now! Aryll is amazing! I still feel too choked to talk to anyone else but one person is progress. Maybe I can try talking to grandma next. (She insists I call her gran-gran but that feels a little too personal). I am getting excited to meet Aryll's brother. She has been talking about him so much and I really look forward to seeing his ship. Aryll said she would come up to the tent and watch for it together with me. She said her brother was sailing with pirates! I have no idea what pirates are but they sound awesome.

  
  


**Entry 11**

Aryll's brother is really cool! He is smaller than me, but he is already sailing the seas on his own. He got a cool sword and he can fight! He actually kinda threatened me as soon as he saw me, but in all fairness she was insisting on holding my hand and I can’t say no to her. Oh god is this what Zelda warned me about? Little girls are sneaky. Though Aryll stopped him from stabbing me, so I guess I owe her one.

The weirdest part was that his name is also Link! Small world, right? We got along really quickly, actually. Turns out we have a few things in common. We both had some weird adventure where we both killed someone named Ganon. Actually it sounds like I’m taking all this very easy but Im not. It surprised me so much I started yelling! Link was yelling too and I just got so riled up I started yelling too! I didn’t even know my voice could be that loud. After that we just decided it was a weird coincidence and left it at that.

He showed me how to hunt for pigs though. I’m cooking up a real feast for us all later.

Turns out that pirates are sea thieves, so that’s cool. They all talk weird, and they use words I have never heard before. Im positive one of them tried to bullshit me, and Link told them to stop. Their captain is really cool though. Her name is Tetra and she takes no shit from anyone. I think I got her good side, she treats me differently than she does Link. I’m not sure why, actually. She looked at me and just... seemed to see into my soul. I wonder who she is?

  
  


**Entry 12**

Outset is pretty cool, having practice fights with Link is pretty cool. But I miss home. I miss Hyrule. I miss Zelda, and Impa, and Purah, and Sidon. Even that weirdo Robbie. There are more people I miss than I realised. More people who influenced my life than I thought. I wonder if they miss me? I did tell them I needed to be alone. Maybe they are better off without me. They probably are. I keep dragging them down with me.

I think my mood is very visible to everyone on the island. Link and Aryll have visited to try and cheer me up, but I don’t think I can be cheered up right now. Even Grandma came up. It really made me feel bad. I had to carry her down the hill, I was so worried.

Even Tetra came up to talk to me. I think she wouldn’t normally do something like that, because she seemed to be looking over her shoulder a lot. She sat down next to me and told me I was missed. She looked at me in that strange unsettling way again. She said I should return to my own time, because people were looking for me. I don’t know how she would know, but she seems so convincing.

I asked her how to do that, I don’t even know how I ended up on an island in the first place. She said I should sleep and dream of home. Then she touched my forehead and I felt a weird tingling sensation. I have no idea what she did but I feel lighter than I was.

Link and Aryll came by after Tetra left. I think they were concerned. I got a lot of hugs before they left for bed. I hope I get to make it up to them tomorrow.

  
  


**Entry 13**

I woke up to Zelda shaking me. She was crying and yelling. Saying I had been gone for two months. I’m not sure how that can be. I remember leaving to get some space, and I promised her I would meet her by the ruins of the forgotten temple in a few weeks. But... I haven't been gone that long? What’s even more disturbing are the entries in my journal. I can’t remember any of it.

Zelda says it must have been written while I was confused, or hallucinating. There are no seas for miles, and no islands named Outset. The fact that I can’t remember writing it is worse.

I still can’t talk to her. My throat doesn’t work

  
  


**Entry 14**

I haven’t written anything in so long. Honestly I forgot about this thing entirely. Guess it’s time for an update.

I have been working on my voice more. Practicing speaking to a mirror. I still think it’s scary talking to Zelda, even if she is the only one who understands. I managed to talk to Sidon, but my voice is still very soft. It gets drowned out easily. It’s frustrating to say the least. I feel like I have nothing worth saying. I don't get why Sidon and Zelda are so interested in my opinion. I don’t get why Purah and Symin asks me what I think. I’m not smart I’m just someone who is good at surviving.

I’m not Link. I’m just... someone else. I’m a ghost of who Link was, and I don’t even remember who he could have been. The calamity killed him, and I was the only part that survived. I don’t tell this to anyone, but I feel like it's my fault. Hyrule could have been different if I did my job. I don't get why I was allowed to wake up from death and not someone more capable. Someone better.

I wonder if dying a second time will undo anything. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I was gone? The nightmares are back, the weird flashes of a hint of remembrance. I wish Link had a better life, but he really didn’t. I think the knight thing was father's idea. Link seemed like he enjoyed hunting more than fighting. But I don’t know. And that’s the problem.

I have no idea of who I am. I have no idea how to come back to life

  
  


**Entry 15**

I did it. I talked to Zelda. I managed to use my voice, but only a little. I know it’s supposed to be a victory. Zelda seemed so happy, but I can’t really feel anything anymore. I just feel numb and empty. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. Impa says it's not, and I know she is right. But I don’t know what's worse now; feeling guilty and sad and crushed, or feeling nothing at all.

I wish I still felt happiness. I really wish I could feel.

I remembered something new. Something... not good. I remember why I flinch away from raised hands. I’m going to leave it at that. I don’t want to remember it. Knight's training definitely wasn’t Link's choice.

  
  


**Entry 16**

I decided I can’t live like this. I can’t go on like this, like an empty shell of a person. I don’t want to feel nothing. I don’t want to make others sad anymore. I’m done with that. Life is about feeling everything, and I wanna feel good again. I wanna feel happy and safe and calm. I wanna feel the excitement I do when I jump off a really high cliff, or when I fight monsters. I wanna feel the pain of a good day's work at the farm. I wanna play with every kid I come across until I drop from exhaustion. I wanna lie down in the fields in the overgrown grass and watch the stars. I want life to be meaningful again.

So I’m doing it. Im taking Zelda with me so I can practice talking, and we are going exploring. Just the two of us.

Zelda seemed so very surprised when I told her what I wanted to do, and she didn’t even let me finish before she started packing her bags. She started babbling about ruins and some rare wildlife she wanted to study so I think we will be going to one of the more remote places in Hyrule. I hope we get to see a clear sky. I wanna see all the stars and I wanna ask Zelda with my own voice what the constellations are called and the stories behind them. Maybe if we are lucky, some new ones have shown in the last century. Maybe I get to name a star! Or maybe I get to come up with a story for it!

We are leaving tomorrow. Impa practically shoved me out the door when I told her. Said it would do the two of us some good. I think so too.

  
  


**Entry 17**

I never knew Zelda snored. Its like this cute little snore she does when she rolls onto her back. She is super weird too. I knew she went on triads when she was interested or hyper focused, but se has these weird quirks. She gets dimples when she smiles. You know, properly smiles. She bites her lips way too often. I don't think its a nervous tic anymore, she does it constantly! How is there any lip left to chew? She also has some extreme memory. She remembers everything, placement, texture, sound, feeling. Everything! I tried hiding a few meat skewers from her but she sniffed the air and I was found out immediately! Princesses are scary.

She also had me cut her hair. I was a little sad to see it go. I really wanted to braid it like I sometimes braid my own hair. It has grown quite long now too. I don’t wanna cut it all off though, I like having some weight down my shoulders. Makes me feel grounded in a weird way. 

Zelda started doing this thing to calm her nerves. Every time we sit down for a break, she braids my hair. Whenever she does, something stirs at the edge of my memories. It feels like I had someone doing this when I was younger too. I can’t remember who though.

  
  


**Entry 18**

Ok, this girl is crazy. It’s a lot of fun. Whenever she sees something interesting she just walks straight at it and doesn’t watch for falls or holes in the ground. She tripped over a korok she couldn’t see and she gave me such an offended look I just had to laugh. I’m not sure why, but she looked so happy and she hugged me. When I asked her, she said it was because I was comfortable enough around her to laugh openly. Apparently I can be quite loud if I want to. I didn’t know that. 

It’s kind of embarrassing, but it made me feel happy. I think she picked up on it because she hasn’t stopped telling dad jokes for at least 2 hours. I didn’t know there were that many awful jokes in the world.

I love it

I think we get along better than we used to. She feels like a sister to me. Strangely that word feels very... normal. Familiar? Like I had a sister before. Maybe I did? Or maybe I had a brother? I wonder what they would have looked like.

Zelda and I are exploring some ruins of an old seafaring civilisation. They have these wall paintings of vast oceans and several islands scattered across the seas. It’s strange but they too seem very familiar. I’m feeling a bit faint. I should ask Zelda to make an early camp

  
  


**Entry 19**

Where the fuck am I.

No this isn’t a joke I have no idea where I am and this is definitely not where I went to bed. I woke up in grass this morning. Zelda is gone, the ruins are gone, and I woke on my back in a forest somewhere. The air smells different, I have never seen these birds before, and I can hear huge footsteps further in. I feel the hairs on my body stand up constantly. These woods are creepy and there is something here that feels ancient. It feels kinda like korok forest, butI know for a fact it’s not.

I hope I can make it out of here.

  
  


**Entry 20**

I’m gonna sound insane when I say this but I have found other heroes of Hyrule. In a creepy forest. Crawling with monsters and weird tiny children who stare creepily at you and tell you that you're gonna die because there aren’t fairies following you. Guess what? I got out without a fairy. Who's the dead one now, huh?

Well... still me since I _did_ die once, but I got better. The kid doesn’t need to know that.

So if anyone finds this journal, Im sorry. I sound completely bonkers but it’s true. There are 8 other people who all are blondes (except for the one brunette) and they are all named Link, and they all had dealings with Hyrule and Ganon and they all have a Zelda. It’s super weird. Someone, I forget who, suggested we use nicknames so none of us could hog the name. There are 9 total.

There is Time, who is the oldest. He has a whole suit of armor he walks around soundlessly in. I have no idea how he does it. He has these markings on half his face. It kinda makes it look like he chickened out on finishing his tattoo.

Twilight, who also has some sort of face tattoo. He seems very serious and he hasn’t said much yet. I don’t know what to think of him. He wears this wolf pelt, so I guess he is a hunter. I hope we get along.

Then there is Warrior. He is a knight too! He looks super regal and he has the aura of a captain of the guard. He can also be really silly though. He cares about his appearance a whole lot.

Four is tiny! Even smaller than I am! I’m so used to everyone being bigger than me and here is someone smaller! finally Im bigger! Anyway, Four is really cool, collected, has great ideas, and he seems very smart.

Sky is a sweetheart. He seems very calm and nice. He smiles a lot, which I really like. I feel calm just by being near him, you know?

Legend is a snarky guy with a lot of harsh remarks. He seems very experienced, and he seems to know a whole lot. He also seems to have an item for anything, just like he has comments for everything.

Hyrule is really cool. He gets it. Being free and allowed to wander and explore on your own is the best, and this guy really gets that. I wonder if this is what destiny is? It feels like we were destined to become friends.

Then there is Wind. Wind seems... familiar somehow. When I first shook his hand, he seemed hesitant. Now he is just giving me sad looks from afar and I don’t know why. I hope I didn’t offend him in any way. He seems really cool.

The others call me Wild. I like it. I never liked being called Link. It felt like I was an imposter. Wild feels more proper, like it belongs only to me. I hope they keep calling me that. I don’t want to be called Link if I can help it. That person is dead after all.

It does worry me that there are 9 of us gathered together cross time and space. I hope I get to show Zelda. She will probably figure out how this happened and can help us set things right. Though for now I just want to be able to explore other eras of Hyrule with people who are similar to me. I really wanna see where the road goes from here.

  
  


**Entry 21**

Wind got a letter from his sister. He said it was written in his Hylian. I don’t know how that can be, because I could read it perfectly. I have no idea what this means, but Wind looked so hopeful. Is there something Im not remembering?

  
  


**Entry 22**

I honestly feel like an idiot. I have no idea why I did it, but something in me just... I should gather my thoughts.

We were attacked by monsters again. More infected monsters. Wind said they were from his world, and that they were pushovers, but we discovered that they were infected by that darkness we had seen before. I might have forgotten to write about that. 

Whoops.

Anyway, its some black goop in the blood of normally weak enemies that make them super tough.

We were surrounded, swarmed. And then I saw Wind's sword being knocked out of his hands. I have no idea what I was thinking. I had my bow out at the time. Why didn’t I just shoot the monster in the eye? I had my sword at my back. I could have just thrown him that one. He was doing fine and dodging the swipes the monster made but...

But I didn’t. Something in me told me I had to jump in front of him, take the blow. Even if I could have died, something in my instincts told he to jump in front of Wind and get myself killed.

I woke up after every monster was dead. I don’t know how longI was knocked out, but obviously I lived. Legend was screaming something about someone being dead but I think he is just overdramatic. Wind was so worried and angry after, when we made camp. I didn’t mean to worry him. I didn’t mean to imply he cant take care of himself. I don’t think he is any weaker than me or any other hero except maybe Twilight Twilight is insane. No, I think Wind is one of the strongest of us.

I’m honestly terrified. I have no idea what this says about me. Did I want to be killed? I have never doubted my instincts before. They are the only reason I’m still here. But if they tell me I have to die...

I don’t want to die. I don’t.

I don't know if I jumped in front of Wind to kill myself, or if something deep in my mind recognises something. Wind seems familiar in more ways than one. He reminds me of someone, but I can’t grasp who.

I hope I don’t actually want to die.

  
  


**Entry 23**

Note to self: Get that recipe from Hyrule.

Don't forget.

  
  


**Entry 24**

I think Wind has forgiven me. We were settling down for the night and Time showed off his mask collection. Or, some of it. I decided to show some of my own. The Korok mask is my favorite, so I showed it off. Turns out Wind knows what koroks are! We are the only ones that have seen koroks! I have no idea what that means. Does it mean that Wind is my ancestor somehow? It feels weird, but I would honestly feel proud to have he mighty Hero of the Winds as my ancestor.

I hope he knows. I really look up to him, even if we have had some fights here and there. The whole King of Hyrule debate comes to mind. I think Wind has met a good king, much better than the one I had to deal with.

I rather not think about the king. It makes me angry beyond reason. I even acted unreasonable towards Wind when we talked about him. Ugh, I have some bonds to mend. I hope Wind forgives me.

Something in me demands I make it right with him. There is a deep need to make sure he is ok and that we have a positive bond. I don't think I could stand it if Wind hated me. I don't know why. I don't even hang out that much with him? Hyrule and I get along way better, and we tend to go off together a lot. Hyrule and I are rather similar, I think? But Wind is... I don't know. I don't know what Wind is to me. Something precious, but I have no idea why.

I hope I can figure it out.

  
  


**Entry 25**

I remembered something today.

We were stopping at a good spot to feed the horse and fill our flasks with water when the reflection caught my eye. Everything was so peaceful and then... Then I heard it. Seagulls. Waves crashing. I couldn’t move, could only stand there and stare at the water as memories took me away. I could hear Wind talking, fading off into the distance. Like I was under water and he was calling to me.

And then... I could hear him perfectly. I wasn’t in those plains, but on an island. Outset. I saw him coming towards me, running up the hill where my tent was set up. Him and Aryll, his little sister. They both sat down next to me and I made them breakfast. We ate together like a little family, and we watched the seas for approaching ships. We could see so far. The ocean blue bled into the sky blue. So much blue.

The memory faded in that color, and then I was smashed back into reality. Only Twilight was there, holding me up. I would have collapsed if he hadn’t caught me. I can’t think straight. All the memories of that island kept rushing in. Grandma, Aryll, Tetra, Wind. Oh goddess, Wind.

All of that stuff I wrote was real. How is that possible? How come I only met Wind and not the others? Twilight is the only exception, him being the wolf that sometimes would help me during my travels, but I was transported to Outset, and to Wind alone. Why?

Does he remember? Oh god he has to remember. Those looks he gave me when we first met with everybody. Oh no, Wind never forgot. How will I explain this? How can I make it right again? I forgot.

I forgot again. I forgot Wind. I forgot Aryll. Why? Why do I forget everything? What’s wrong with me?

  
  


**Entry 26**

I can’t be who they think I am. I can’t. They all expect Link, but all they get is Wild. I’ve been trying to figure out our differences. Link and Wild are dependent on each other, sharing the same mortal body, yet rather different from one another.

Where Link is structure, order, law. Wild is chaos, unpredictability, untamed. That doesn’t mean they are opposites. They are the two sides of the same coin, dependent on that thin third side to keep them together. Me. The one in the middle. The one with no name, just thoughts and observations. No identity other than the being that Link and Wild are orbiting around. I feel like Im a temporary. I’m a mold, being shaped by others. Right now I’m trying to figure out who I am. I have been given the name Wild. Yet Wild isn’t the only person I am. I am also Link.

And yet I am not.

It’s hard to describe. I can’t really describe it properly to be honest. Link is the one from before the calamity. The one who died. The one who was killed defending his charge until the very end. The one who upheld every order, every oath sworn.

Wild is the one who woke from the shrine a century after Link was killed. Someone without any of Link's memories. Someone free to roam and speak his mind and find joy in the little things.

Then there is me. Somewhere between there. Wild given Link's memories. How would that ever be a good thing? Link's memories are that of pain, dedication to nothing. Sacrifice for nothing. Training so hard to make his father proud, only for his father to keep pushing. Never good enough. Never brave enough. Never strong enough.

Link's story is that of tragedy. Of an unattainable goal. Of meaningless death. Wild is the polar opposite. Rebirth, joy, life.

Who am I? I carry aspects of both. I am chaos, and I am order. I am impulse in structure. I mixture of both old and new. Of death and rebirth. Meaning in a meaningless world.

I started out as Wild. With each memory from Link remembered, I lose some of him, of Wild. Will Link one day overtake Wild completely? When will it stop? Will I remember everything from both of me, and in the end be consumed by ambivalence?

The only thing I am left with that is truly my own, is fear. Fear belongs to me, and me alone. Link and Wild knew no fear like the one I know. But is fear really all I want to be? Is fear all I have left, once Link and Wild have consumed one another, burned each other away like the malice destroyed Hyrule?

I no longer know.

  
  


**Entry 27**

I feel.. envy for the first time. I think. It feels like acid in my chest. Everyone else knows who they are. They all have an identity they evolve. They all started out as whole.

In comparison, I started as a fractured mess. The more I see our differences, the more I feel it.

The true me.

The me that isn’t Link or Wild. It's filled with contempt, hatred, fear, and envy. It’s disgusting. If father could see me now...

Don’t think of father. He isn't here ~~████████████████~~

I feel like the only part of me that is truly me is all the undesirable traits left over from Link and Wild. They are the stars in the sky, fighting for a spot in the gorgeous galaxy, while I am the black hole that consumes everything and destroys.

I wonder if this is depression?

  
  


**Entry 28**

I think the others know. They all look at me with the same expression. Ever since I remembered that stuff about meeting Wind way before the others. They know Im a mess. They know Im not right. They know I’m not like them. I don’t know what to do. Should I run away? Leave so they can travel on with a sane group of capable people, and not having to deal with... ugh, no. 

No that’s not right. That feels wrong. My gut is telling me so. No way they all think that, not with the way Wind looks at me, or Time stays close. Or how Sky seems to try and encourage me to take a nap more often, and Legend insisting on sitting next to me and gossip about Warriors. Or Warriors letting himself be talked down and goaded into a mock fight with Legend. Or how Four has decided to lie and say he is cold but really he wants to lean on me and show me support. Or how Twi turns into wolfie every night now to make sure I feel safe enough to sleep. Hyrule is holding my hand more than usual. I kinda feel like a little kid, but I don’t want to let go.

Wait was that... Wild's instincts? and Link's reasoning? Can that be possible? Wild and Link are both very observant and smart enough to figure out all that. Come to think of it, my head has felt less chaotic lately. More comfortable to be in. Less confusing, maybe. Are they working together? Is my mind finally safe for me to grow in? Or was I always safe to grow, but caught in the turmoil of Link and Wild?

Maybe... Maybe I shouldn’t have thought us separate at all. The coin is still the same coin, no matter its three sides.

Hm, this feels... eye opening. Like I can see the world for the first time. Like whenI first held a sword, or when I first looked at Hyrule after that long slumber. Or maybe when I got to see the royal guard's uniform for the first t.

Oh.

I remember. Being small and having a wish. Seeing father be so big and regal. He looked so strong, and he always fought off monsters. I wanted to be like him. Someone mother could have been proud of. Someone... someone else could have been proud of. I can’t remember who else. Maybe if I just... let myself be all of who I have been. Maybe then I can remember more.

Maybe I can be whole too.

  
  


**Entry 29**

So I think I’m onto something. I feel more calm and happy as of late. My dreams aren't filled with horrifying memories that I can’t remember once I wake up. I remember quite a few, but recently some new memories have resurfaced. I have gained a completely new view of ~~Link's~~ _my_ life.

Thinking about father used to upset me. I used to believe that he never saw my talent, that he always pushed me to be better than I was. That he never felt any pride.

I was wrong.

Father loved me. It’s so clear in my memories now. I know because Time accidentally keeps triggering memories of him. The same concerned looks. The tiny glint in their eyes when I do something stupid, but funny. When they both hide that smile they can’t help behind a cough, or their hands. They are really alike, it’s almost scary. Though it has made us closer than before.

Time used to intimidate me. Now it’s hard to imagine why he ever did. He is really a huge dork, and he does love openly. He is just more mature and calm about it than the rest.

I know now why I thought father was... bad. I feel really awful for thinking it now. It was because I couldn’t see past my duty. I couldn’t recognise those concerned eyes for what they were. I was too hung up in my own tiny world where I had to be perfect that I couldn’t see the reality around me. Because of the sword and the legends, the prophecy the king spoke so obsessively about. How he placed so much on me and Zelda alone.

Of course the king can’t take all the blame. I am to blame as well. And... and Zelda too. We all made mistakes. Every single one of us. If we just talked to each other. If we were just open and not blinded by fear. Maybe we could have spared ourselves some serious pain.

Maybe we could have saved all those people. Prevented the calamity from ever happening.

But the past is the past. I cant dwell there anymore. There will be nothing good from it. I want to see the happy memories. I want to remember my mother's face. I want to remember her laugh and her smile, and I want to remember father telling me how proud I make him. I know I do. I have seen the words on his lips, I remember seeing them. But I couldn’t hear them over the sound of my inner chaos.

I wanna know who the little girl who looks kinda like Aryll is. I hope we were friends. Her smile is really nice, and it makes me feel so very warm.

  
  


**Entry 30**

Oh god, Impa is gonna read all of it. God damn it!

  
  


**Entry 31**

Identity is a weird thing.

Everyone has it, but none of us are ever the same as we were. Every minute of every day changes us. Every person we come in contact with leaves us with something more. Every fight, every laugh, every tear shed, every scream into the void, all the agony in the darkness. Everything is precious. Everything evolves us and warps us. We become something greater with each encounter.

I finally know who I am.

I am Link, a boy so dearly loved by his parents. I am the youngest royal guard to ever exist in the kingdom of Hyrule. I am the Hylian Champion, Hero chosen by the blade that seals the darkness. I am Ser Link, personal knight to Princess Zelda.

I am Link, Hero of the Wilds, Slayer of the Calamity.

I am Wild. A hero that shares a spirit with so many others, destined to rise up and pierce through the darkness. 

I am Wild, a cook, a master archer, master at getting lost with Hyrule, master at pissing off Twilight. 

No matter how many times the land is covered in darkness, I am the light that will shine upon Hyrule again, and again, and again.

And Im damn proud of who I am.


End file.
